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  • J.F. Rowan

Jail & Bail Time

We left the Boerne house sit and headed to our next stop, a medium sized lake state park called Inks Lake, in Burnet TX. The drive was pretty uneventful. I can’t say as much for the stay at Inks Lake, however.

Our campsite was right near the water, Yvette did a great job of strategically picking out a spot that also gave us ample room on either side of us to help maintain a sense of privacy. Occasional Canadian Geese that would come to visit pooped everywhere so you really had to watch your step walking around the camp. I tried to coax them into flying back north, but they were having none of it. Who could blame with 85 degrees during the day, and 55 degrees at night. We saw our first scissortail and visited the new and improved bird blind there. A pretty relaxing time for the first few nights. Then it happened...

Our view.

Our first night was pretty routine but I noticed a color changing type light across the street that one of the campers had turned on. A long string of very intense lights that changed color every few seconds. Knowing this is something that's a bit of a “bee in our bonnet” I tried to ignore it but Yvette started to fume. The first night we put up with it, but I think Yvette just couldn’t let it go. The next night around theee in the norming Yvette got up to use the facilities. Normally I wake slightly as she’s leaving and again as she comes back into the camper. This time, however, I never heard her come back.

Somewhere around six in the morning, I heard a rap on the door. Without even looking into the top bunk, I wearily rolled out of bed and threw something on so that I didn’t forever psychologically scar whoever was at the door. When I opened the door, there stood a man about six foot two, in a Texas State Police uniform. “Are you John?” he asked. “Yes” was all I said. “You need you to come down to the park office, we have your wife in custody.” I looked at him, then leaned back inside and looked at her bunk. She was definitely not there. I turned back to the man and said, “What’s this about?” I asked. “I’ll let you get dressed, will you need a ride?” he asked.

I told him no, though I probably should have had him wait. I explained I knew where the office was and I would take my bike. I got dressed grabbed an orange and got on my bike. As I was leaving camp, I noticed our toolbox on the trailer was open which is unusual since I’m the only person that ever opens it, and I hadn’t since the day before. I stopped, shut and locked the toolbox and then headed to the office. When I arrived, the park superintendent and the state cop I saw earlier where there to greet me and escorted me upstairs into the park buildings conference room. There in the room was Yvette, handcuffed to the table. “What the F*(& honey! What happened?” is all I could come up with. The cop closed the door and the four of us sat there while the superintendent explained that Yvette had attempted to cut the main power wire on the park hosts fifth wheel trailer because she was sick and tired of seeing their light at night. In the process of cutting it, the park host must have seen her creeping around outside and decided to sneak up on her when she was cutting the wire. She had just unplugged the wire and was about to cut the end of the plug off ( I may have told her something to this effect so one wouldn’t be surprised by the 50 amp buzz) and he placed a hand on her shoulder to ask her what she was doing which scared her. Evidently, she spun around, hit him across the chin with the wire cutters then kicked him in the groin. All in reaction to being surprised. Unfortunately, after the well-placed kick, the host turned on his heel, folded over and fell face first onto a curb, knocking out three of his front teeth. (Apparently, he couldn’t break his fall because his hands instinctively were placed around his crotch after the groin kick.) In the end, the superintendent was called by the host’s wife who in turn called the state police (a special unit that covers the park) and she was arrested, read her rights and was charged with destruction of private property and assault.

So at this point, I have to fall on my sword a bit and say that I was not in the right state of mind so early in the morning. Not having had anything to eat, no coffee…well, I might have said some things I would regret, most of which was anything but sympathetic. They asked me to follow them to the police station in town where she would be held until bail was set, as it turns out I might have said something like, “Really, what the hell were you thinking!” and I walked out. Fast forward ahead a bit, she had to stay in jail (it was Saturday morning) until Monday when she could be arraigned. Fortunately, the courthouse was in town. When I arrived at the arraignment on Monday, I met with Yvette and a public defender and the judge. When I was allowed into the room, the judge was seated across from Yvette and the public defender and everyone was laughing. “This must be John.” the judge said standing to shake my hand. “Your wife is quite a character,” he said sitting back down. “You don’t know the half of it.” was all I could mumble a bit confused as to all the laughter. They all explained…as it turns out when the local sheriff went back to take a statement from the man she “assaulted” the sheriff noticed something peculiar going on inside the man's fifth wheel. After insisting on going inside, it turns out the park host and his wife were going from park to park spending their time at night burglarizing local homes and businesses. They would then retreat back to the park at the end of the night, and spend their days working in the park and selling the stolen items on eBay for quick cash. Apparently, they had been doing this across the country for over two years. Because of this big reveal, Yvette was let go. In fact, she got an invite from someone in town to attend a special hero’s luncheon in her honor from one of the residents. I swear you can’t make this stuff up.

But I did anyway, so April fools! Oh, the crazy lightingg across from us was real.

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